Monaco Grand Prix

Second pass - 

So…Vettel won….twice. 

I do get confused (do I?) about the rules of this strange sport, as I thought that if a race is stopped and 75% of the race has been completed, the result stands and we all go home feeling a little cheated but with our blood pressure within range…but maybe I am wrong. 

Also, given it was decided to restart the race, would it not have been fairer, and also within the same staid old rules not to allow the tyres to be changed, which rather neutered the whole thing for what could have been a rather thrilling finale.

And let me say one more thing. Once the race was stopped - and I saw the beginning of the accident as someone climbed all over the back of someone else just past where I was sitting, but then they both disappeared round the corner and all hell broke loose as Ambulances, Medical cars and other VIE (Very Important Extractors) came haring round the circuit screeching to a halt to get poor old Petrov out of his Bolide, as the French call it….I said my goodbyes to my lovely neighbours, and hotfooted it off to a local bar up the road to watch - where by the way I announced my arrival by knocking over a huge metal waste-bin, placed strategically right at the entrance, to vast noise and subsequent and rather predictable thunderous applause (I disarmed them all by simply saying Excusez Moi…very English and understated) - the last 6 laps on the telly as I wanted to see ANY overtaking live and close up.

The day dawned warm and sunny as I sat once again completely transfixed by the amazing views towards Cannes out of my bedroom window -  the experience added to immeasurably by having finally trained the Room Service people here how to make  proper coffee! - with the Mediterranean sparkling in the sun below me. I am afraid i have no intention of telling you where I am staying as I am not going to risk having the place littered up with you lot preventing me from returning here again for next year's race, but suffice it to say it is a 'gem' of a place about 1 hour's drive west of Monaco called Port La Galere….oops!!

I was in 2 minds about how to GET to Monaco this morning. I had no desire to see the support races - anaemic Porsches ranting about the place! - but I was vaguely interested to see the drivers parade at 12.30, as from my memories of 1970 they are perched atop beautiful vintage Cabriolet cars, dressed splendidly, and are driven around by men or women of a certain type!

Yesterday getting into Monaco was an absolute doodle. I drove in at about 12.30 and the road down from the motorway was almost deserted. I parked up in Cap D'Ail and hailed a taxi, a splendid Mercedes 500…they don't do things by halves today -  who disgorged me right by the entrance to my Grandstand. It really could not have been easier.

I was desperate to repeat the same thing today, as the experience of the train on Thursday, despite being quite convenient, was unsatisfactory. I simply do not like being squeezed in with crowds of people, predominantly English and, I am afraid… predominantly chavs. 

If you are offended by this notion, please switch me off now !  It brings out the worst in me - a woman who brutally shoved me out of the way trying to get her unadventurous family on the train infront of me got short shrift, much to her surprise,  and the rest of the crowd on the train give me mild agoraphobia (and I mean that….the fact I have little sight in one eye sees to that!)

And so I set off, deciding I would make a judgement as i went along. Like the British Grand Prix, I was expecting queues on the motorway from way before the exit to Monaco, and so was prepared to divert at Cannes or Nice, find a parking space and go in my train with all the others.

Cannes passed, Nice passed…no traffic. Beaulieu came and went…nothing..and finally the exit to Monaco. I descended through the tunnel and finally it something of a queue about a mile from where I was yesterday….a car had broken down!

Well, let's get a move on. I found a tiny space just the right sizes for my car in Cap D'Ail, left the car and made my way down to the circuit, using the extraordinary networks of Lifts that make their way through the rocks, and was disgorged from the final lift about 50 yards from the entrance. It was 12.00!

I stopped at the Co-Op and bought myself a vat of Liptons Iced Tea, some more ear plugs and a bar of chocolate and pressed onto to Grandstand K8 right next door.

OK, the seat I had was not as good as for qualifying or practise which was a little disappointing - a little on the 'low' side, but the cars were going to roar past pretty close. It was perfectly OK.

The view in front of me was amazing. Every grandstand was packed to bursting - finally…there were a lot of seats empty yesterday…and the Gin Palaces, crammed like sardines into the harbour were amazing. Billions of pounds worth !! 

Frankly I wouldn't stay on one if you paid me….image waking up in the morning in your £200000+ a week charter, opening the curtains of your, rather cramped, stateroom…and looking into or at the yacht next door!! Thanks…but no thanks! I prefer my view !

But there were people hanging off every building in the municipality….all the balconies were having parties on them….I'm not sure the view was that good from some of them, but I don't suppose that matters..you come here, as I did, for the ambience and the experience. It was quite amazing. I was sat next to a Dutchman who, so he told me, had been flown down 'by a supplier', was staying at the best hotel in town…and had, for some unexplainable reason been left to his own devices in the Grandstand…all on his own ! Well, we chatted away and were both looking forward to seeing the drivers in the flesh !

The drivers parade was announced….ooh, this was going to be wonderful! Well, it wasn't….it was an utter disappointment. The poor sods were loaded on the back on a huge 40 foot low-loader, towed around the circuit by a huge pantechnicon-type lorry front end like you see pounding the M6 on a wet friday evening!

They were all dressed as if they had just either crawled out of bed or had just returned from the beach - apart from the 2 Sauber drivers who were dressed in their team uniform…Swiss efficiency… - and were all waving to us rather unenthusiastically, apart from Michael Schumacher who was waving to everyone with a huge smile on his face - whilst being interviewed at the same time by some chap who could hardly speak English !

Once they had gone past I left my seat and went off in search of lunch. I went to the same place I had been to yesterday. I chatted to and then joined forces with a lovely fellow - also on his own - from Marseilles who wanted lunch too..and we set about staring people out  in our chosen restaurant - just up from the track - who had paid their bill but were refusing, so we felt… to leave!  

We finally sat down at 1.20 - the race started at 2.00 - and ordered an excellent Salade Nicoise !

I was back in my seat at exactly 1.55 - it really does pay to do everything in Monaco absolutely last minute as the path is clear to go anywhere - put my ear plugs in….of course put my phone to silent (haha…!) and sat chatting to my Dutch friend, regaling him with stories of my last visit to Monaco in 1970 (I suppose you weren't even born then!!!…my latest old-man remark, said with a condescending smirk!!)  when Jochen Rindt harried Jack Brabham so hard in the closing stages that he panicked and smashed into the barriers at Rascasse on the last lap…wonderful memories!)

Suddenly the hounds of hell broke loose behind us. It was as if  every Valkyrie that ever had entered into the mind of …… had woken up at the same time and were demeaning to be fed !. A sound that struck right through me and gave me such a shock I had to compose myself ! ONE F1 car had started it's engine in the pits !!

Slowly the sound multiplied until 20 or so engines had been started, ready for the formation lap. It was an amazing sound. Utterly amazing….the vibrations ripped though one and the sense of anticipation reached a crescendo. Everyone in the stand looked at each other slightly self consciously ..we all knew that despite being able to see only about 100 meters of the track infront of us before the cars disappeared up the road at godknowswhat speed, we were about to witness something quite special!

The cars appeared infront of us, going rather sedately - by the way my seat was in the area of the Swimming Pool - with Vettel out front, Button close behind and the rest straggling out behind. They all returned to the start line and sat there for a few seconds before what went before in the way of sound was eclipsed by the sudden crescendo as the red lights came on and then turned to green. The hounds of hell had been set loose !

What was amazing was that after they had all screamed through St Devote and up towards Casino Square…it all went quiet as they tumbled down towards Mirabeau and the tunnel!! Total silence ! I could have had a good old chat with my new Dutch best friend! It was rather eerie….I thought there had been a monumental prang, and that we could all go home now !

But no….as they exited the tunnel and screamed down towards the chicane - where yesterday we witnessed first Rosberg and then, much worse, Perez being caught out by the weird track surface and slamming into the barriers that protect the chicane…WHY they don't redesign that bit into a sort of elipse I just don't know, but hey…. - the sound returned and before I knew what was happening Vettel, Button, Alonso and the others made their presence known and steamed past us in close formation.

As soon as they rounded the corner infront of us they would launch themselves line astern at the next part of our 'complex'  and then aim their front wheels at the red and white curb which means that their front wheels would life off the ground in their effort to get ahead!

The distance between the cars was not enormous, but there were no real efforts at overtaking on our part of the track which was disappointing and I have to say that I do now have a sneaking understanding of those detractors of actually attending a motor race, saying as they do that all one can see is the few yards - in our case maybe 200 - of track that is right where we are sitting. 

I was able to observe them coming through the first corner, at which point they would briefly disappear from view as they dipped to the edge of the track which was invisible to us, before darting to the left as they reappeared and came through towards the swimming pool itself. The best view was a view from the rear ! 

We did have the huge TV monitor at our disposal which was situated just to the right of the climb up to Casino Square - some 500 yards away, but I am afraid they do not cater for people like me, and so it seems the majority of people in our stand as it is just a feed of the live TV coverage thus with the track positions indicated at the bottom of the screen…OK if you are 10 feet away from the screen, quite useless if you are 50 yards away, even if the screen is on a scale of 1000000:1 of what you are used to !

Also the commentary is absolutely useless. Despite being rather tickled that I could actually understand all the 4 commentaries that were going on - French, German, Italian and English - the noise of the cars made it quite pointless, especially as the whole effect was spooled even further by the ear plugs you are obliged to wear to avoid a perforated ear drum 1

So for most of the race I had little idea what was happening, especially after the first set of pit stops, and indeed at one point had to text my cousin in England to enquire !

At one point Button was leading but he appeared to be overtaken by Vettel during another one of the pit stops. Alonso seemed to be trying rather hard and was harrying Button and Webber, getting close up and personal at one point but he appeared to slip back a little after a while. He was probably exhausted !

Suddenly a Marussia-Virgin car came spluttering round and halted right in front of us which was a rather nice diversion. The driver - cant remember, sorry - got out and appeared to kneel down at the back of his car in prayer before he was coerced by one of the marshalls to hop back over the fence, at which point they attached a rope to the roll-over bar of his car and lift the whole thing rather unceremoniously onto the break-down truck from the local garage which had been sitting beside the track and that was that.

It did strike me as to what they would do if another car broke down in the same spot…would they pile it on top of the Marussia car higgeldipiggledy style or what?  I had visions of loads of F1 cars piled high on the back of the truck being shipped off to the breakers yard at the end of the race !

Someone went off somewhere on the circuit and so the safety car came roaring round - frankly making a rather more 'sexy', deep-throated growl than the majority of the F1 cars which just sounded rather hysterical, and led a procession of the field round for a few laps whilst the debris of the crash was swept away. Racing resumed within about 10 minutes.

And so the afternoon wore on…cars flashing past us every few seconds which certainly made for interesting viewing, but I did feel that I really had no idea whatsoever what was really going on, especially further down the field, and so contemplated whether I would actually attend the race again next year, or rather watch it on TV.

I think to be frank and with the benefit of having attended the Race now, next year I will return - hopefully with Caroline this time - but will stick to the original plan I had for this year, namely to go to the qualifying and then watch the race on the TV in a very comfortable room at La Galere.

In qualifying it is easy to see what is going on, the time is limited to one hour, there are fewer people and there are a couple of support races (GP2 etc) which gives one a good flavour of what is going on. We would then remain in Monaco for the evening - something I did not do this time as really I thought it would be a little ueber-sad to be trotting around the hot bars all on my own - to experience some of the so called 'night-life'

Having now watched the whole thing on TV it really was a damned good race…very exciting but from where we were sitting we got to see nothing of the action round the rest of the circuit.

The pace differential between the front runners - Red Bull, McLaren, Ferrari and Mercedes, the midfield teams…Lotus (yes!)  Sauber and Williams..,and the absolute no hopers..Marussia and Hispania was really noticeable to the eye!  The front runners were so fast through our little section when compared to the others, with Red Bull and above all Vettel being the best…their handling so it seems much smoother than the others.

The Ferraris make a noise like no other! The others wail…the Ferraris scream. But it was Alonso that seemed to me the most 'committed' driver…he seemed to get on the accelerator earlier than the other drivers - though i think Vettel was flat through our section - with Michael Schumacher close behind in the commitment stakes.